Many months has passed, since form 6 began..COuntless friends were made.. REALREALREALREAL good friends.. Had high hopes, wanted to start new, and end fresh.. But, Like all pundits say when a footballer or a soccer player misses many a shot and it never looked like going in, they'll say: Its never to be..
Well, ending my form 6 life seems ' never to be' since i wanted to end form 6 FResh..
I'll just go to what made me type this post.
Me:
At the start of my upper 6 life, things were pretty normal i suppose, friends are still around,fooling around, sleep in class, duty as a prefect, continuing to grow up of course.. Right then i started being aware of some new faces.. Younger Faces with blue name tags.. Its the new batches of form 3s.. heh, right , you bastards will certainly say ' aint that a good thing to you, since you're into younger girls' ... I'd answer, im owned..=) I won't deny though , i made friends with them, but tell me, making friends with younger girls, DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE: Go kao her laa, or , Kao-ing her ah? ... My goodness , people, They're 15, does'nt mean we can't be friends righttt peopleee?
Anyway, i noticed a familiar face in the crowd of 15 year olds.. Looked peculiar at first but, hey, she's heck familiar though.. a closer look, and hey, its the ex... My ex.. ( Will not say the name though)..
Okay okay, yes, whenever i see her, i go beserk, i go haywire, i'll malfunction, and i'll tend to act stupid ( well, stupidity IS my middle name..=)) I won't deny though, that, she still have the ability to make my heart flutter.. Some people call it fear, some people call it 'still like her', i was'nt quite sure what was it.. I wanted to ignore unsensible thoughts.. And just, get on with life, since i already have a girlfriend...
Months passes by, i seem to always take notice of her, in her Green clad bag.. Not that i want to, but still.. Is almost like some 6th sense or something like that.. I seem to be able to feel her presence around. Almost like a Ghost... Scary indeed..
My friends INCLUDING my best friends started noticing her too.. They were like: WHo's that chick, who's that jap in the green bag? Who's that girl in front of the toilet. I wanted to deny knowing that person, but i gather all the bravery to say: She's... My ... Ex...
They were like, WHOAAAAA!! SERIOUS!? DAMN HOT WEII!!! Walao not bad ah.. I was like : She has a boyfriend d guys.. ( I din't know she really did have a boyfriend) and
And soo, my friends will always bug me whenver they see her, they'll be like sooo excited whenever they see her.. ( EXCITED meaning wanting to tease me and stuffs..)
Saw her during Interact's I.U day.. damn, she was a ' bella' to me on that day... She's like something that can make your heart pound out from your solid rib cage... Then i saw her ex ( her then boyfriend).. Yea, he was a handsome lad, no question that he throughly deserves her...=) But hey man, What's with the stupid Heart pounding hard..== ( Question directed at me)
One VERY FINE morning. I went to school,FURIOUS, because of my friend's failure to fetch me.. I stormed through the tapak perhimpunan to the hut near the men's room, threw my bag on the floor, and was panting for breath as i almost got hit by a car... i was panting of exhaustion and anger.. Well you know the saying right, too much oxygen to your brain and you'll feel like fainting already.. Well, i was about to pass out till I FELT two people walking my way.. One was sobbing ( and i thought she was having a flu) , and another having her arms around her.. I thought my panting would scare those two away since i sounded really really angry, but they still sat in front of me with ease.. I was lookin at the floor the whole time by the way.. And when i look up, i saw her.. The girl with the green bag.. Her face was pink, tears were rollling down her pink cheeks... Of course im startled she'll sit infront of me... because, i know she really really hates me..... AND I MEAN REALLY REALLY HATE ME... So that was actually the 1st time she was so close to me.. The bell rang, and they had to leave .. Two prefects came to ask them to leave, the other ask me if im okay, I wanted to ask them to let the 2 stayed longer, but i got no guts.. And i just walk away, I CURSED MYSELF FOR NOT HAVING A TISSUE THAT TIME.... ==
Went home that day, HAD A VERY VERY BIG URGE TO TEXT HER... Texted her, and she's like: Who are you?...
Then the basics bla bla bla, i think you guys know what'll i ask and stuffs... Honestly, i felt really relieved.. In fact i had a fair amount of satisfaction talking to her on the phone.. I see that as a blessing from God... For letting me talk to her again.. Amen..
Anyway, we started talking, but not alot, just limited conversations.. but that was enough for me to brighten up my day.. And i mean SERIOUSLY brightened up my day... Weeks and months pass by.. We still are talking, and, honestly i don't know if she still hates me or not... People, i think its not a crime to fall ffor your own ex again.. is it?
Till the time when things started to go haywire began..
My thoughts: I want her back,
Reason: Were not suppose to break up in the first place.. Was sabotage by a midget and a prick, Yes people, I HAD THE IDEA OF PLAYING MY EX BEFORE I WAS WITH HER... but love is a sick shit.. I FELL REALLY HARD FOR THIS GIRL... Things were good, till things were being done behind my back... ( As said by her, my little midget friend told her pass things when i already told little miss midget I FUCKING LOVE THE GIRL IM WITH NOW, but to my suprise she don't seem to understand, till several months later she told me: I get jealous whenever you ask me about girls and ask for their number... fyi: I got my ex's number from her..) The Green Bagged girl soon thought i was playing her the whole time.. She started being cold to me.. I thought she's seeing some other hot dudes or whatsoever.. And therefore, we break. BUt people.. I like to highlight the fact that I LEFT HER WITH A VERY VERY HEAVY HEART... I had to.. but after knowing what happened behind me, i curse myself ever since.. from then on, my ex was all i ever think about... privately, just to myself.. noone else knows.. And i mean NO ONE.. I sometimes go a lil bit kuku and say to myself before i sleep : i want her back.. But yea.. its a small prayer.. heh..
When she broke up with her latest, she wanted to be loved again, very badly.. Until she said i want 'Michael Jordan' ( not his real name of course).. He was my best friend.. My brother not in blood but in bond.. I thought she was being random, but yea.. Of course i said he was not available.. IMAGINE SOMEONE YOU WANT BACK sooooo BADLY ultimately GOES WITH YOUR BESTFRIEND.. Thats like being sodomised by an iron rod to me... Indeed i felt pain..
REALLY... REALLY.. PAIN.....
And then one morning, i wanted to, have breakfast with 'MJ' but failed cause his mom cooked for him already, spent the entire morning with him on the computer.. Then when i left , he texted me asking me if 01xxxxxxxx was her number, the green bagged girl's number of course.. I said yea, erm.. have fun with her.. and he was like : Oh cool... She'ss fineeee .. xDD
DAMN MAN IT FELT FUCKING PAIN ALRIGHT!!!???
Actually 'MJ' knows i still haven't let go of her yet.. But hey, Don't you tell your best friends your secrets?
anyway, days goes by as images of them texting together began to haunt me... one evening i texted 'mj' if he wanted to shoot some hoops, No reply... I thought he'd be in church or something.. And when i was at the park chatting away.. i saw 2 familiar figures... One very buff and tall, one slenderly hot, and gorgeous.. Oh no, my nightmare indeed.. They were together the whole time.. People, My heart DROWN IN THE SEA OF SADNESS, and of course ( it might not mean anything to y'all) i feel betrayed.. He waved at me.. I just look away and walked home alone.. with my head down...
The following morning.. He texted me and ask if i wanted to catch the nba finals with him, i replied coldly and he asked if i was pissed about the previous day.. I did not reply, and he take to the account that 'no i don't care'.. and so, yea. they continued seeing each other...
Normally that dude arrives in school around 8 or later... But seeing him with her at 0715 in school with her IS A BIG SHOCK.. Again i acted nothing happened but of course, the pain is there.. Countless times he waves at me, countless times, i ignored... And eventually, i don't talk to him nomore.. I don't know what's going on between those two anymore.
The first friend i lost was him....
Back to the green bagged girl,
She knew i was jealous and stuff, and hey, she asked why i posted emo statuses on faceboook in a wtf manner you ruin my relationship? I was like : Is it a crime to express what you feel on the net? ... Sebagai seorang pelajar P.A , tidak pernah ku fahami ada akta akta yang menyatakan bahawa seseorang individu tidak dibenarkan melafaskan perasaannya di laman web... NO SUCH THING... We talked it through that evening, and eventually we started talking normal again.. Was pretty happy i got to walk her home.. =)
Im glad we're still talking to each other ... We still can walk with each other.. Each passing day will not stop me from thinking about her.. Each friend i lose will not stop me from thinking about her.. All i want is her.. I told people close to my heart that this girl is not ordinary to me.. eventhough she is to most people.. She's what a guy would ever wanted.. And i really mean it.. SHE's was/is/still what i ever wanted...
God,
Forgive me, if i have to publish this post. But, i want to express myself, i cannot keep myself caged anymore.. I want her back ,God.. I want her back... We were not suppose to break in the first place.. I was sabotage by satan's little demon.. I am desperate to love her again. I won't ask for a chance for her to trust me, but i will ask for her permission to trust her again as i failed to do in the first place... I know how to treat her better this time because of my experience... I've been talked to by a very wise friend who is an expert at handling these situations...I don't say promises to her anymore. I'll do them.. Please mend my broken heart.. Please forgive me of this childish post. And God, I'll promise to TONEdownmysensitivity towards normal things....
I want her back........
Jin
